R.J. Francis once said: ‘‘We were created with great beauty. We must strive to look our best at all times. It’s a gift we give to others.”
We humans are social beings by nature, we live together, we progress and develop by learning from other people around us, our lives and survival depend on being accepted by others.
No one wants to be disliked by so many people, because in society’s view — if the majority of people don’t like you, then it must be your fault and that something about you is not right (or wrong).
Everyone has this deep desire to be liked and accepted.
Most of us are afraid of being criticized, judged negatively, or hated by people whom we interact with on a daily basis. This is why so many people change their schools, jobs, and homes when something like this happens.
And if we want to be liked, appreciated, and respected by other people — then we must follow the rules of society. These rules aren’t fair to everyone. but they make sense to most people.
For example — people are more likely to trust and feel happy to offer their help to someone just because they are well-dressed, or just because they look good.
This is more commonly known in social psychology as ”Social Conditioning”, which means that society works on unconsciously training and influencing individuals to have certain beliefs, dreams, desires, and to react in a certain way.
In short, society just wants us to conform.
The reason why we conform is because of social influence. If most people do something in a particular way, you feel obligated to do it the same way.
If you dared to challenge the system and not conform, people will not be nice to you.
Social conditioning, attractiveness, and the media
We are all under great pressure to look good at all times, or at least when we are surrounded by other people.
Not just women who are under extreme pressure to look a certain way, men also feel the same way. They’re just not too outspoken about it.
Both genders have this ”flawless image” of how they’re supposed to look forced on them by the mainstream media and society.
When you’re sitting at home singing, dancing or whatever you’re doing, you feel free and happy – because you’re not afraid of being judged by anyone, because you’re just by yourself. And obviously that’s who you really are – your true identity, that is the true meaning of the popular advice ”just be yourself.”
However, society and the media teaches us that being ourselves is not good enough, and that we need to be well-dressed and to always look good and to say and do the right things every time, or else we will be disliked and not belong or fit in society.
It is important to note that – society utilizes the media to enforce it’s beliefs and ideas on people within that society. Whenever those who are in control of society and the mainstream media want to enforce a new belief on people, they will simply use the mechanism of repeating the same belief over and over again, until it’s no longer questioned and discussed, and is accepted as the truth.
because the subsconscious-mind is programmed through repetition. if you repeat the same lie or belief over and over again, people will be more willing to accept it as the truth.
For example, by having a TV commercial showing you a well-dressed young man with girls staring at him with dreamy eyes while biting their lips, it suggests in an indirect (or unconscious) way that if you dress like him, then girls will treat you the same.
Not to mention there are jobs and careers that are ONLY available to people who are easy on the eyes. Jobs like fashion models, news presenters, air hostesses, secretaries, front-office personnel, etc.
It’s so ridiculous, there are employers who may hire someone not because of their work experience, degree or talent – but just for their exceptional looks!
Why do we want to look attractive?
Back in high school, I used to be a skinny guy with crooked teeth, bad haircut and a curved back, I knew nothing about fashion or what I needed to do to look acceptable. In fact, I really didn’t care much about my physical appearance. And I used to get picked on/bullied a lot back then.
I always wondered why I’m I being bullied so much, and treated badly and with disrespect by my class mates.
7 years later, I realized it was because of my appearance and the way I looked.
Because people who used to bully and harass me, feel ashamed to look me in the eyes when they see me now.
A lot of things have changed since then, I reinvented my look, style and behavior.
And it was because of life experience and the knowledge that I had acquired along the way.
Today, my life is completely different (and better), I’m no longer worried about being bullied or disrespected, I have more friends now, and I’m not afraid to express my opinions.
So, why do we want to be good-looking?
That may sound like a stupid question, because who in his right mind wouldn’t want to be good-looking?
Of course, there are people who care less about their appearance. I personally know some of my friends who don’t care much about their physical appearance and what people think of them.
But they’re the exception, not the rule.
Most people would kill for the privilege of being ‘beautiful’.
Being attractive means that your life is going to be different from everybody else, it means you’ll make a better impression on people, It means you’ll get to receive a better treatment from people. In a nutshell, attractive people experience life differently.
Being physically attractive is like playing the game on easy mode.
While, others play it on hard mode.
There is no doubt that being attractive is something very valuable and can change your life.
Numerous studies have confirmed the accuracy and validity of the above ^^ statement.
There are many reasons why would we want to be attractive. Everyone is different, our psychological needs differ, we come from different cultures and backgrounds. So it would be a mistake to assume that we all have only one reason for why we want to be attractive.
However, according to my research – most people’s unconscious reasons and motives for why they want to be attractive fall into the following categories:
- Attention: people who use their beauty to draw attention to themselves and feed their ego.
- Approval: people who just want to ”fit in” and belong to a particular group.
- Attraction: people who want to use their ”good-looks” to attract a potential partner.
- Pressure: people who are pressured by the media and society to look good.
- Self-esteem: people who just want to feel good about themselves.
The above are some of the reasons behind why we want to be physically attractive. Again, it is important to note there are other reasons as well.
Take a moment, and read the above reasons again. And decide which one accurately represents your situation.
Identifying the psychological need behind why you want to be physically attractive will greatly help you understand what you really want from being beautiful.
Because, as a matter of fact – we don’t really want to be beautiful, we just want the ‘good things’ that come with being beautiful.
If we lived in a perfect world, where people are kind and respectful to ugly/below average people, then being beautiful wouldn’t be valued as much. and we will all get to live a happy life.
Think about this…
Imagine that you look exactly what you ever wanted…
A drop dead gorgeous, so gorgeous that it’s hard for people to look away.
What will you do then? what will you do then that you can’t do now?
The answer of that question is what determines the reason behind your pursuit for beauty.
In a world where people are so obsessed with their physical appearance, sometimes you may wonder why we all care too much about our appearance and attractiveness, why beauty is so valuable and important in life.
Whenever you want to understand or do something, It’s a good idea to understand your reasons and motives first, so that you get to have a clear understanding of why you want to do something, then how you’re going to do it – becomes clear and easier, because the goal is clear and specific. In our case, the goal is to become more aesthetically attractive.